Okay, let’s be honest right away: if you as a parent suspect or know that your child is using drugs or drinking too much – it is insanely important that you dare to look at it. This is not something that “goes away by itself”. It can be a cry for help. Or a way to escape something. Or just a bad choice that can quickly become a dangerous habit. Whatever the reason: you need to be there. For real.
I am not a psychologist. I am not perfect. But I have been there – on both sides. I know what it feels like to lose your grip. And I know how crucial it is that an adult not giving up when you are about to do so yourself.
Here are some things I want you to take with you as a parent:
- Let go of the shame – take control of the situation
You might be thinking: “What did we do wrong?” Let it go. That is not what it is about now. Right now, it’s about seeing your child, just as they are, and daring to face reality.
Shame closes doors. Love and courage open them.
- Ask honest questions – without accusations
Avoid the interrogative tone. Rather, ask questions:
“I’ve noticed something feels different – do you want to talk about it?”
“Is there something you’re struggling with that I don’t see?”
Make room for honesty. And when the answer comes – even if it’s hard – listen without freaking out. Your child does not need a judge. Your child needs a safe adult.
- Set limits – but don’t leave
It is not the same as saying: “I don’t accept that you smoke at home”.
Like saying: “I want nothing to do with you.”
Be clear about what is not okay – but be even clearer that you are still there. Love without borders becomes chaos. Boundaries without love become cold. Both are needed.
- Seek help – early
You don’t have to solve everything yourself. There is support available – both for young people and for parents. Don’t wait until everything comes crashing down. Reach out to a school counsellor, BUP, youth clinic, or specialized treatment programs like ours.
Show your child that asking for help is strong – not a defeat.
- Think long-term – but act now
Yes, this is a marathon. But some steps need to be taken right away. This could mean cutting off certain associations, removing access to money, or pausing certain freedoms. At the same time, you need to hold on to hope. Many people who have been far out come back. I am living proof of that.
In conclusion: never give up.
Your child may act cold, cocky, closed – but deep down inside, there’s still a kid who longs to be seen, understood and loved. Never stop showing that you are there. Even when it’s darkest.
And if you need someone to talk to yourself – reach out to us. We are here for you. You are not alone.
/Theo Mannerfelt,
Co-Founder & Youth Mentor
